Dad, what would you tell a dad?
Sent this to a younger dad friend a while back. After he learned that my oldest daughter had turned her French class presentation assignment discussing French fashion into a detailed argument of how M. tuberculosis shaped modern fashion starting in France. Okay tell me how you did it and I would read the book if you wrote it.
Dad jokes are a must.
Do you have a daughter so far so here is my bias...
Read a book every night before they go to school and model reading after. Work papers, news, and books but read and make it normal. This is an evidence-based recommendation.
A sage lady actress I read once will not read a movie script unless there is one scene with two women talking to each other, not about a man. This is such a low-bar view of feminism that I took her as a sage in the space. I do not talk to my daughters or son about beauty in terms of appearance, so they seek other forms of value. I talk about strength; hard work pays off and I demonstrate that. I show them affection and play and rough house, but I value their abilities, new skills, and challenging conversations I don’t want them to value themselves based on looks or age. Those things are what the beauty industry and society trap women in. Men don’t help.
My wife is way smarter than me but she had a rough upbringing with many adverse childhood events (ACEs) in psychological terms: so she doesn’t like people. We don’t dwell on the detail of the issues but we talk about the differences. Kids are smart they know people are different and we will not be perfect every day.
As they get older, I have always answered any question honestly. Let’s look it up is a good answer. I use detail and examples to make it embarrassing. Talk about chicken eggs are female gametes and ducks have a corkscrew penis. Makes it bizarre and fun to learn instead of “sexual” or voyeuristic. We are a health questions family find good podcasts if you are (if not pretend you are) interested in a shared topic listen and ask questions together. A good podcast has a storyteller, and humans love a story.
I have been impressed by my children. My wife is steady, schedules our lives a plan for food and the week and runs a tight ship even around my shit schedule. Some of the best money we ever spent was on a cleaning lady; we still do we tidy once a week and someone else comes through and cleans. We both had one growing up. Trinkets and jewellery are barely worn once kids are around but meals together cooking together letting the kids make a mess in the kitchen no matter the age and teaching them to tidy it is priceless. We are a if you cook you do not do the dishes family.
Teaching them that school is a system they can bend to their interests is a cool thing I wish I could say I taught. I probably fostered a deep curiosity and was happy to spend money on books and carefully curate video games.
We do allow streaming (guardrails when they were little) but teens have all of two services to use.
Challenge the mind, most kids learn by play, so playing with them word games, strategy, free play, and build me an obstacle course (what can daughter do that daddy can’t because he is too big) teaches us we are all vulnerable. When you blink they are 16 then you are teaching driving. If you enjoy them they may appreciate and enjoy you.
Happy to chat about your challenges, and concerns it is a tough thing to be a parent at times but it is amazing and fun as well.
Appreciate your enthusiasm and being a rock star dad (calm consistent and the same bad dad jokes mean you are their rock) no need to be a rising star to a shooting star always strive for more trying to rule the world.
Take err easy dude. I’ll try to.